Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Feelings...

 This has been a very unhappy week for me so far. If I just told the candy coated side of an adoption, that would not be given the true picture.

Miss Diva was scheduled for her surgery on Monday, which was cancelled. This really stresses me out. Is this going to be affecting her speech, how intense is the speech therapy going to be. I sit sometimes, wondering what this surgery is going to bring. Fear of doctors, dentist, myself or Jason looking or having work done in her mouth. Is our attachment strong enough? does she trust that I will be there no matter what. I feel tears in my eyes for the pain she has to endure and the restlessness she will be facing. I love her so much.

Adoption isn't for the weak @ heart.  It's such an emotional rollercoaster. We receive our LSC super fast with the thought planted in our brain that December 5th could be our travel date,only to find out that there has be a lot of paper shuffling in order for that to happen. I want my son home. Is he okay? I worry!The thought of going to china, where my daughter leaves precious family and not knowing, my heart is broken.

I sit here, thinking about families! Seeing how broken ours seems to be. I've been hurt, Jason has been hurt, selfishness? maybe? There is no support! Why does it need to be so complicated? Things  have been said that are not true. I miss peace! Lord, knows the truth, and my heart! How broken it feels somedays. How do you mend? Move?Maybe?

Praying for guidance and peace. Hoping for love and happiness.

Em

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I can totally relate to your feelings. You are exactly right, adoption is not for the faint of heart. It can often be difficult for family and friends to truly understand the process of adoption and all the factors involved. I find at times the journey to be a lonely, complicated road. Thanks for sharing. Meredith